Postpartum Life With a Preemie

In a little more than two weeks our baby girl will be a month old...holy moly! I can not believe that time is flying by so quickly! I wish that I could say that I want it to slow down, but I want time to fly by even quicker so I can bring Ava home!
Life as a mommy to a preemie baby has been so bitter sweet. Everyone is constantly asking me how I am doing and I can never seem to give anyone an honest answer. Why? Because I don't really ever know how I am doing. I suppose I can say that I am on edge all of the time because I never know when the phone rings if it is going to be the hospital calling to tell me something has gone wrong. You never have a solid moment when you aren't thinking about the well being of your child.
A part of me always wants to stay in bed with the blankets over my head, pretending that none of this has happened to me. Another part of me forces myself out from under those covers and tells me that I have to do this for my daughter. I no longer plan for the future because I feel like if I start planning, I will be setting myself up for disappointment. So, instead Brian and I take life day by day. Everyday is a milestone not only for us, but for Avalyn as well; each day that we get through is a day closer to her coming home.
I am not going to lie and say that being away from my baby is easy because it isn't. I have had several moments where I literally just sat there and cried because all I wanted was for her to be home with us or to just hold her. But every time I see her photo I tell myself that this is all for her benefit and that she wouldn't want her mommy to be crying and upset.
I have my good days and I have my bad days. My bad days generally consist of being moody and snippy towards Brian or my sister or the dog or anyone else who comes across my path. There are times I don't even know why I am so annoyed! Little things set me off; the other day I cried over spilt breast milk for goodness sake! There are days when I get so depressed over seeing my friends who are still pregnant that I can't stand it. It really bothers me that I didn't get to experience so many things about being pregnant and I really hate myself for that considering I have the most wonderful bundle of joy that any girl could ever ask for.

Over the passed few weeks Brian and I have realized how often we are at the hospital; when nurses and doctors can recognize you before you can recognize them, you are there too much! Ha! That hospital is our second home and I don't think that is a bad thing. We would do anything to see our little one and if that meant driving 40 miles one way to do so, then that is what we will do!
It is all so worth it to see that adorable little face!
Speaking of that little face, she is doing extremely well! This weekend she was moved to the other side of the NICU; I like to call it the quieter side because it is much quieter over there! The babies over there are bigger and a lot of them are not hooked up to as many machines so there isn't a lot of beeping sounds or monitor sounds going off. We were told that her moving was a very good thing and I would have to agree. Since she has moved she gained two ounces within a day and is now getting fed up to 20cc per feeding; Brian calls her a hungry hippo. We have also noticed that she is becoming more and more alert/responsive to our voices. The other night when Brian was kangarooing her, she was smiling up a storm while I was talking to her; it was the most adorable thing in the world! The first time you see your baby full on smile you will feel like you just won the lottery. That smile melts my heart!
Kangarooing has been a phenomenal experience and it is something that I look forward to every time we go to visit Ava. If you are not aware of what kangarooing is, it is a technique practiced on infants where the infant is held skin to skin with an adult, generally the mother or father. *It helps maintain the baby's body warmth, regulates their heart and breathing rates, helps with their weight gain, gives mom a better chance of successful breastfeeding, etc. Brian and I take turns each visit kangarooing particularly because I want him to have as much time with her as he can because once she comes home we won't know what is going to be happening as far as work. He will be coming up on his two years here at Kings Bay and may be receiving orders sometime after that. We have no idea if those orders will send us to California or South Carolina or if they will mean a deployment; so her being held by him is so important to me right now. I love seeing him holding her and hearing him talking to her. She is definitely going to be a daddy's girl.

So what does a new mother do when she has to leave her baby behind at the hospital, you ask? Well, I spend a lot of my time breast pumping and getting everything prepared for when little miss is able to come home. For Brian this means putting furniture together and hanging things on the wall and just paying attention to me; the nurses informed him before we left the hospital that his job was to make sure I didn't develop postpartum depression and that I didn't over exert myself. 

Getting back into the swing of things like cleaning and laundry have been interesting to say the least. I haven't been allowed to do a lot of the things that I can do now for so long that it feels strange and it tires me out so quickly. I had been hoping that after having Ava that I would jump right back into the swing of things before I was pregnant, but that wasn't the case. I neglected to do much of anything the first week back home because half the time I couldn't keep myself awake long enough to do anything! 

Needless to say my recovery has been an experience all on its own that no one really warned me about.  Someone really should warn you that when you have stitches, squatting to pick something up is not recommended! I was so used to squatting while pregnant that I didn't think twice to bend over and well, I paid for it with a little bit of pain. You become best friends with ice packs and stool softeners. Your breasts never stop leaking and all sense of embarrassment just goes right out the door when they start to hurt and the only sense of relief is whipping them out. Oh, I can't forget about the excessive sweating and how quickly you shouldn't rush to try on your pre-pregnancy pants because you will have some sort of muffin top (if you are anything like me). You can't work out or have sex until after your 6 week check up; not that you will want to do either! And I swear my sense of taste has changed! I hated the taste of ginger ale before I was pregnant and while I was pregnant and now I can't seem to get enough of the stuff! That "preggo brain" that everyone experiences while pregnant, yeah, that doesn't go away! You are still just as scatter brained and forgetful as you were while pregnant. 

Another after effect of labor that I have definitely noticed is EVERY baby you see makes you go, "Awwwwwww!". Even baby animals or baby bugs...yes, bugs. Don't ask! Anything baby related makes you feel like you have to have it for your baby regardless of if it is for a baby boy and you have a baby girl. I am not kidding, you will not care if it has blue cars on it, you will want to put your daughter in EVERYTHING. That may or may not be true for every mother, but I think I have been that way just because I am not allowed to put clothes on my baby until she gains two pounds; all she can wear right now are diapers that swallow her and these adorable little knitted caps. 

I wish I could say that my postpartum experience has been more eventful while at home, but to be honest, it hasn't been. The most thrilling part of my experience has been hearing about all of my baby girl's progress and how happy I am while at the hospital with her. I know, who would have thought I would ever associate a hospital visit with being happy?! But like every mother, I do look forward to her milestones and seeing her grow even if it isn't at home (at least for now!).  

On a complete side note, I have to give a huge congratulations to my neighbors on the arrival of their beautiful baby girl, Isabella!! She is a very beautiful baby and I simply can not wait for the three of them to come home so I can meet her. <3 

*All information found on the March of Dimes' website.

Avalyn's First Week.

I can't believe that our little angel is already one week old! 

She is doing amazingly well!

I can't believe that on this day a week ago I was seeing my baby for the first time! It feels like just yesterday! When I first saw my little girl laying in that incubator, I cried; not because she is a tiny, preemie baby, but because she is what Brian and I created and brought into this world. You would have thought that it would have broken my heart to see her connected to all of these wires and such, but it didn't. In fact, it has given me hope, especially since I know that my daughter is getting the best care that she deserves.

Avalyn has had a very eventful week! She has made so much progress that it blows my mind some days that she is only a 29 week "old" baby. 

August 16th:

I was given the opportunity to check her temperature and give her a diaper change (it was our first diaper change together!). She was not too happy about that and began to cry; that cry is the most adorable thing I have ever heard! Words can't describe it! 

I am also learning a little bit about her with each visit! Brian and I have learned that she does not care for having her feet touched and that she loves to stretch her legs out. She will fit in perfectly! 

We have also learned that she loves holding her daddy's hand. I simply love seeing Brian interact with her! She is beginning to respond to us so well! She cracks open her eyes at the sound of our voices. So far we think that she looks exactly like me when I was born, but it is hard to say who she will look like as she gets older. I am really hoping that she keeps her dark hair! I think that she has my family's chin, but it is hard to tell how long that will last. 

August 17th:

Brian and I went to visit Avalyn in the morning and were excited to see that she was no longer on the CPAP mask! According to her nurse, she had been breathing really well on her own with the few occasions that she had a sleep apnea spell. She had two incidences throughout the night where she forgot to breathe for a few seconds and her heart rate dropped, but she was able to correct herself; which was why the doctors agreed to take her off of the mask. In order to prevent this from happening again, they will gave her a little bit of caffeine to help keep her heart rate up in the event that she does have a little spell. 

She is very responsive to Brian and I and is starting to open her eyes a lot more. Because she has been doing so well, she will be starting her to get fed via donor breast milk until I am able to produce enough milk for her. 

At first I was really apprehensive about using the hospital's donor program because honestly, the thought of some stranger's breast milk being fed to my child kind of wigged me out. But the more I thought about it, the more beneficial it sounded. I want her to be given only breast milk and not formula; which can not be done unless she is given donor milk. 

Little miss also had her feet stamped! 

She really does not like her feet being messed with! 

We also had the opportunity to hold her for the first time! I had never been so happy! There is nothing like being able to hold your child for the very first time. When I had delivered her I wasn't given the opportunity to have those first few moments of holding my newborn because she was so premature at delivery. So being able to hold her like this was that moment for me. It was definitely one of those moments that you won't ever forget. 

August 18th:

Day three was very tuff for me because it was the day that I was discharged from the hospital and had to leave my munchkin behind. It was such a bitter sweet day because I was so happy to be getting out of the hospital after three weeks (23 days to be exact!) and because my sister had flown in to stay with us, but yet I was so upset to leave Avalyn behind. I couldn't fathom doing normal things again without thinking about her. It was such an exhausting day, but on the positive side, my breast milk had come in and I was able to start providing my baby with milk; granted it wasn't much, but it was better than nothing at all. 

August 19th:

Coming home was awkward, being home was awkward, and getting back into the swing of things was awkward. It felt weird being home where it is quiet and no one comes into your room throughout the night to check on you. I did get hit pretty hard with the baby blues and felt that I was struggling to find a peaceful sleep. I will admit that there were a few moments when I would sit there and cry over not having my child with me. Thankfully Brian was there with me throughout it all. We printed out some photos of Ava to hang up to help make things feel more real; I still couldn't fathom that I had delivered a baby. 

Brian kept my mind off of things by putting together Ava's changing table; I helped him out the best that I could (I mostly just sat on an ice pack and handed him the parts he needed). It was actually a lot of fun! I did have to stop and take a nap half way through the process because I was just so exhausted! It amazes me how exhausting just sitting there was! It still amazes me how exhausting doing anything was! Delivering a baby (of any age and size!) is hard work and takes an awful lot out of you without you even being aware of it. I couldn't believe that even two days later I was still so tired! The changing table looks amazing though! I was so excited when I woke up from my nap and saw that it was put together that I just couldn't wait any longer to fill it up with the start of our cloth diaper stash. 

August 20th:

When we went and visited little miss, we learned that her oxygen levels were lowered because she had been doing so well with her breathing. Her food intake went up from 5cc to 11cc and she had become a little Jaundiced so she had to "bake" under the lights until it went down. We were told by the nurses that she is a feisty little baby and hearing that put a smile on my face; to me that just goes to show you that she is a fighter and is incredibly strong. 

I think that she is looking more and more like her daddy! Her hair is getting lighter; which of course, I was hoping that it wouldn't! We are also learning that she sleeps like a rock like her daddy and drools like her mommy. Ha! I love watching that little one sleep! She makes the cutest and funniest faces and sounds!

August 21st:

During our visit we learned that Ava's Jaundice levels went down and her food intake went up from 11cc to 14cc! She is digesting the breast milk with no problems (she just has to be on her belly).

August 22nd: 

Ava was taken off of the lamps, taken off of her oxygen, and I GOT TO HOLD HER! :) Because her Jaundice had gone down significantly, I was able to hold her Kangaroo style; the Kangaroo Hold is when you hold your baby skin to skin. 

Holding her against my skin was the most wonderful feeling in the world! (I know, I say that a lot!) Feeling her little body against mine finally made me feel like a mother; she needed me and I needed her. We kept each other warm and she fell asleep on my chest as I talked to her and Brian gently rubbed her back. I wish we could have stayed longer! 

I wish that we could have stayed like this forever!

August 23rd: 

This was our longest visit to date and I loved it. You wouldn't think that you could feel so happy while being in a hospital, but this visit pulled me out of the funky postpartum mood I was in that morning. Brian and I had gotten to the hospital just as Ava was getting ready to eat so before anyone could hold her we had to wait an hour for her to finish up with that. Before that we were asked if we wanted to change her diaper. I wanted Brian to do it so he could get the change to change his first diaper, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so with her being attached to all of the I.Vs and wires. Totally understandable! So, naturally, I said I would do it...boy was I in for a surprise! That little girl had blown out her diaper and had poo all up her back! I had no idea someone of that size could do such a thing! Of course, being mom, I didn't mind one bit. I did feel bad though because after changing her initially I had thought that I had gotten everything, but when the nurse went to flip her onto her belly to eat we learned that she had gotten poo everywhere. Those blow outs can be super tricky! I was a little embarrassed about missing some poo considering I am a pro at diaper changing (I used to work at a daycare!), but come on, changing a blow out on a preemie who is in an incubator?! That was tuff. 

After she ate it was Brian's turn to Kangaroo hold little miss. They both looked absolutely adorable together and I can tell already that she really loves being in her daddy's arms. 

She is still doing extremely well and nothing has changed except that she has gone from 11cc of food to 17cc! Before we know it she will be a little chunk! I can't wait! I am really hoping that she will get to come home by the beginning of October; I want to have her home in time to dress her up for Halloween! Honestly, I can't wait to be able to dress her up in general! Once she starts packing on the pounds we will be able to put her in all of the adorable clothes that everyone has given us. 

This week has been life changing not only for me, but for Brian as well. Our little girl is now our main priority and we will do anything for her. It truly is amazing how becoming a parent can do that to a person. I can't say that I love motherhood because I haven't really been given the chance to experience it, but I definitely can't wait. I have been told that it will be tiring and exhausting all of the time and you know what? I am totally okay with that. :) I am ready to take on the sleepless nights, the sore breasts (already experiencing that), the being home all of the time, etc. because it is all for her. If I am not tired and exhausted then I won't be doing my job correctly. 

Here is to another productive week of Avalyn growing stronger and stronger! 

p.s If you have been following me on Facebook, all of this is probably repeat news considering I keep my FB updated daily. :) 

Twenty-Eight Weeks: Our Birth Story

On Thursday, August 16th, 2012 at 1:22 a.m, I gave birth to our beautiful little girl, 

Avalyn Marie Felda.

She weighs 3 lbs, 2 oz. and is 15 1/4 inches long.

She is 12 weeks premature and is currently in the NICU being attended to. The doctors have told us that she is doing wonderfully and is breathing on her own; she just needs the respirator's help so she remembers to breathe. 

After our false alarm, labor and delivery was far from my mind! In fact, I was certain that I wouldn't be experiencing any of its symptoms again for at least four more weeks. Boy, was I wrong and boy were we all caught completely off guard! 

Throughout the day I had been experiencing some mild cramping in my back that I had related to my bowel movements. Every time I would feel the cramping, I would go to the bathroom and the pain would go away. This happened to me twice and I figured nothing of it; even the nurses thought nothing of it. We all just figured I was flushing out my system from the two days prior. I even let Brian go home and take care of the animals and everything because that was how fantastic I was feeling. 

He made it back to the hospital around 5 p.m and together we had some dinner; shortly after that I started to feel the familiar cramping in my back. So, thinking nothing of it, I went into the bathroom and tried having a bowel movement. When nothing happened, I figured it must be related to constipation. 

I shook off the feelings and went about our evening of watching reruns on Syfy and waiting for the newest episodes of some of my favorite shows to come on. But then the cramping came back and I asked Brian to try to massage my back and maybe that would help work out the bowel movement I felt that I needed to have. But it wasn't helping at all and the pain began to increase! Brian asked the nurse for some Miralax in hopes of that helping me out and I had a hard enough time finishing that because of the pain that was beginning to escalate in my lower back. I was back and forth from the bathroom and my bed trying to go to the bathroom and nothing was happening. All that was happening was that while I was sitting on the toilet, relief would wash over me. The pain would cease dramatically and then the instant I were to stand up, if would come back. 

The nurse gave me some pain medication so as to help me through the aches and pains; when that didn't do a thing for me, she gave me a heating pad to lay on and an Ambien to try to calm me down enough so I could relax and hopefully have my B.M. But the pain kept coming and the only sense of relief I could find was by sitting on the toilet. The pain had become so intense at times that I threw up twice into the trash can. 

The nurse thought this was a little odd, but offered me a suppository to try and help me out. After she gave me the suppository I was crippled with the worst back pain I had ever felt in my entire life! So Brian and the nurse hooked me up to the monitors and layed me on the bed on the heating pad; the nurse was beginning to suspect that I was having contractions because of how frequently I was in pain. 

She called in another nurse for a second opinion and together they watched the monitors for contractions. But as I was thrown into severe pain, the monitors remained stable! Nothing was showing up! So they had to resort to checking for contractions with their hands and even that wasn't giving them the answer they were looking for. The pain was coming and going and they were even beginning to time when the next ones would come along, but what they were confused about was that I was not feeling anything in my lower abdomen, it was all in my back! The nurses and Brian had to coach me through what they thought were contractions and when I was in between them, they had me get up and try to have a B.M. 

Once in the bathroom, I was convinced that the suppository had solved my issues because I was able to go just a little bit. I felt relief, I thought we had solved the problem. Until the pain came rushing back! The nurse was growing concerned with my sitting position on the toilet and wanted me to come back out and lay onto bed. It took a lot of effort, but I managed to do so. That was when she asked me what my level of pain was on a scale of one to ten. When I replied with an 8 during the most painful aspects of it all, she left the room and said she was going to call the doctor.

I lost all my sense of cool at those words. I was so upset that I was going back down to labor and delivery that I began to cry in utter defeat. But all of that quickly slipped my mind when the nurses came in with a stretcher and my "contractions" began to hit me full force. I simply could not fathom what kind of pain this was, but all I knew was that it hurt so badly that I wanted relief and breathing through them was proving to be rather difficult. I cried out in pain the whole trip down to L & D and once I arrived, I was so caught up in what I was feeling that I hardly remember what happened next. 

The nurses got me onto the bed in the birthing room, stripped me of my clothes, and put me into a gown. Then they checked my cervix...what the nurse said, shocked the hell out of all of us. When I heard, "All I can feel is the water bag, none of her cervix." I knew that I was going to be having this baby. I was fully dilated and I was in so much pain! I kept begging for pain relief and was starting to calm down when the doctor had said something about an epidural. She asked me if I wanted one and I am surprised that I didn't scream YES. She then measured me and was explaining to me that they could try and get me an epidural, but she was positive that once she broke my water, I would have a baby before the epidural would even begin to kick in. How she convinced me to agree to going naturally was beyond me! She assured me over and over that I had made it through the worst part of labor with hardly any medication at all, so she promised that once that water was broken, I would feel instant relief. 

I took her word for it and the next thing I knew, Brian was gowned up and by my side and we were heading into the operating room. I was terrified as to what was going to happen...I had no idea what to expect...no idea what I was supposed to feel...not clue on how I was supposed to push a baby out of myself without ever having a birthing class. Within minutes they had my legs up in stirrups and were prepping me for my delivery.

The rest of the prepping was sort of a blur because I was trying to focus on getting through my contractions, but after the doctor broke my water, I was flooded with a sense of relief. It felt absolutely amazing! She was not lying to me at all! I was beginning to trust her word when all of a sudden the contractions started coming again. The team quickly told me what I needed to do and I did my best to comprehend what they were saying, but all I was focused on was squeezing Brian's hand and him telling me to just breathe. 

As it turns out, I was not pushing correctly, so they had to constantly tell me what I needed to do and then as that baby began making her way through the birth canal, my body just took over and did everything it needed to do without my fully being aware. It hurt so much, but pushing felt so wonderful! After what felt like forever, I began to feel her head crowning...I couldn't believe it! I swear I was having an out of body experience as I continued to push that little girl further and further into this world. I could feel her moving partially inside of me and partially outside of me; it was a feeling I could never describe thoroughly to anyone. With a few good final pushes, that little baby literally flew into this world! The doctor had to catch her, that was how much force I put into that final push. I heard everyone scream and then start to laugh and I thought that I had done something wrong, but turns out babies don't generally fly into the doctor's arms like super baby. 

When I saw my daughter in that doctor's arms, I didn't know what to think. I still couldn't believe I had just brought that little girl into this world. 

In fact, during the after birth and my recovery time, it still hasn't fully sunk in that I am a mother. 

The afterbirth process was both uncomfortable, painful, and a relief all at the same time. I had tore in a few spots and had to get stitched up. After the doctor was finished, I was wheeled back into our birthing room where I was greeted by some of the sleepiest, happiest faces in the world! I can't tell you how happy I was to see the Boatmans, waiting patiently for us. 

I vaguely remember telling Brian to call Magan after he had called her parents because I wanted her to be there with me! But because I had to deliver in the operating room due to our little one being premature, I had to wait to see her after I delivered. 

The two of them kept me company as Brian went over to the NICU to see our little Ava Bug and take photos of her for us to see. 

Here she is, our little munchkin! The doctors informed us that she is doing really well for her age. 

Me while in recovery.

Proud parents! 

After Brian got back and we said our goodbyes to the Boatmans, I was wheeled back upstairs to my room and put to bed to get some sleep. Of course, my adrenaline was still pumping full throttle, so I didn't fall asleep until much later. 

I still can't believe that our little Avalyn is here! She is absolutely beautiful and I can't wait to go and see 

her!!!

How far along? 28 weeks and 2 days when delivered.  

Total weight gain: 15 pounds (since last appointment, haven't been weighed since admitted into the hospital). 

Maternity clothes?  Maternity tank tops and a few shirts since I am mostly in pj's now a days. 

Stretch marks? Yes. 

Sleep: I sleep the best between 9am and noon for some reason. 

Best moment of this week? Giving birth to my little munchkin.

Miss anything? Being at home, miss being pregnant!!

Movement: N/A

Food cravings? Up until delivery, I was craving Lemon Meringue pie and lemonade. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? The occasional cramping makes me a little queasy. 

Gender: Girl!

Labor signs: Yes! Experienced back labor and then delivered. 

Symptoms: Postpartum symptoms, recovering well. 

Belly button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? Everything is off while in the hospital in case anything makes me swell up. 

Mood? Very happy, extremely tired, and completely amazed at the beautiful little girl Brian and I brought into this world.

Looking forward to: Seeing Avalyn, my sister flying into town this Saturday, and going home to begin getting things ready for Ava to come home.   

False Alarm!

Well I can most definitely say that this week was not how we had planned on ringing in the start of my third trimester! 
Sunday night, August 12th, I noticed a strange trickle-like sensation when I was lying in bed followed by some slight pressure. I got up out of bed and just stood there with a really confused look on my face; Brian looked at me like I was nuts. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I felt a strange wetness that didn't feel like my normal amount of discharge wetness (gross, I know!). He asked me what it felt like and I told him that I either wet myself or my water broke. I was a little worried because I had read that your water breaking could feel like a big gush or a constant trickle. So I went into the bathroom to check and  all I saw was normal discharge and something that looked wetter and slicker than normal. If you don't know what amniotic fluid looks like, it is supposedly clear, wet looking, and has a distinct smell. I wish I could say I didn't smell my toilet paper, but I did, and no I am not embarrassed to admit it because when you are that freaked out you will do whatever it takes to reassure yourself; I didn't smell anything (because urine has a distinct smell as well, but all I could smell was the toilet paper). 
We called the nurse in and I explained to her what was going on and how I think that my water may have ruptured. She did a swab test to check to see if there was any amniotic fluid present in my vagina and if you have never had one of these swab tests done, it is done with a giant q-tip and if the tip of it turns green or blue it is a positive sign that there is amniotic fluid present. Well the tip stayed yellow; which meant it was negative. I felt relieved knowing that it was probably just an excessive amount of discharge; it supposedly increases as you get closer and closer to delivery.
So that night Brian and I went to sleep as if nothing were wrong. 
That following morning (the 13th) one of the doctors came in and I told her everything that had happened and added that I had began feeling a dull cramping in my lower back and when she told me that that concerned her a little bit and that she wanted me to go up to her office immediately, I freaked out. I was so confused! I kept thinking, "But the swab test was negative! What could be wrong?!". 
I immediately woke Brian up and we both got dressed and before we knew it, our nurse had arrived with a wheel chair and we were on our way up to the 12th floor. I won't lie, I felt like a very important person when I got to skip ahead of everybody that had probably been waiting forever to get through their appointment, but it also made me even more nervous that something could be wrong. 
We sat in one of the exam rooms anxiously awaiting to see what would happen. The doctor came in and I explained my symptoms again, this time adding that the pressure sensation I had been experiencing had turned into full on menstrual cramp feelings that were very dull, but noticeable enough to make me feel uncomfortable. She did an exam with a speculum so as to check closer to my cervix and did another swab test; which she told me had turned a little bit of blue. So she went and checked the fluid under a microscope and had confirmed that it was amniotic fluid and that she was going to be sending me back down to labor and delivery. She told us that if my water had broke and I went into active labor that they would not try to stop it and just let me deliver, but if it was ruptured they would try to stop me from going into active labor. She also did not want to check my cervix to see if I had begun to dilate more in case my water was ruptured; she did not want to risk breaking it. Brian and I both were unsure as to what that exactly meant and we tried our best to remain calm. 
I felt so defeated as I was wheeled back into L & D and put back into a birthing room. I was gowned up, hooked up to monitors, given an I.V, and was told that I was not going to be allowed to eat or drink anything in case I were to go into active labor and had to be given an anesthetic in the event I needed to have an emergency cesarean. I was very unhappy and already starting to feel uncomfortable considering my cramping had began to increase. 
Within a few hours I began contracting; they were just small, quick contractions, but they hurt. They were not strong enough to be getting picked up on the monitors every time I had one, so Brian had to time them to make sure they didn't get closer; my job was to get through them and keep track of their intensity. I could feel them coming on and would reach over for Brian's hand and just focus all of my energy into squeezing his hand and breathing through them. They were seven minutes apart but the intensity was remaining the same and then they were beginning to get closer together at five minutes apart and slowly increasing in intensity; a few of them were starting to get picked up on the monitor.
The doctors and nurses came in and told me they were going to be treating me as if my water had ruptured and the doctor and one of the nurses confirmed the contractions by feeling them with their hands on my stomach. So they brought in an ultrasound technician to check the fluid around baby to determine how much fluid I was losing. On Wednesday, August 8th baby's amniotic fluid measured at 22 and that day it had measured at 18, confirming there was a leak, but not a severe one. They told me they would check it again in a few days and if it were significantly less, they would perform a type of amniocentesis that would inject a dye into the water and if the dye ended up in my underpants that it would definitely confirm the rupture; but they didn't want to jump the gun just yet with that and decided to do another 12 hours of Magnesium to stop my contractions. They also wanted to put me on more antibiotics so as to prevent any infections, because the last thing they wanted was for an infection to develop and go into the amniotic fluid and harm baby. 
I was not happy about the Magnesium because it meant I had to use a bed pan and that bed pan is my mortal enemy! It also meant I would not be able to eat or drink anything for an additional 12 hours. My discomfort was already starting to get the best of me what with the contractions, being on my back, hooked up to monitors, not being able to eat, etc. 
Throughout the night things got progressively worse for me. When they started the Magnesium and antibiotics I was prepared for the burning sensation that is common with being pumped with Magnesium but I was not prepared for the incredibly sharp, shooting, burning pains that were running up my arm. It was so painful that I could not move my arm, hand, or fingers without crying out in pain. The pain I felt was almost as bad as the contractions. Brian called a nurse in and she brought in a warm blanket and wrapped it around my arm so as to try to open up the veins a little bit better to help the medicine flow better; she said if it didn't cease that she could pull out the I.V and start a new one; I did not want a new I.V because I was already tired of putting holes in my body. When the burning didn't cease, the nurse came back and changed the bolus (a relatively large dose of medication administered into a vein in a short period, usually within 1 to 30 minutes and commonly used when rapid administration of a medication is needed, such as in an emergency) to a lower amount; that helped tremendously with the burning sensation. 

Not even an hour or so later, Brian noticed that my fingers looked a strange color. We took the warm compress off and discovered that my entire arm was breaking out in a rash. We looked over the rest of my body and also found that the rash had begun to spread to my other arm, my tummy, my legs, and back. The nurse came in and checked out the rash and wasn't sure entirely what it was, so she brought in another nurse for a second opinion and together they decided that I was having an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics. The doctor was called and she told them to administer some Benedryl via I.V to get rid of the rash; she also was not sure which antibiotic could have caused the rash because they were administering two at a time. They decided to switch me to Clindamycin so I would still have an antibiotic in my body to prevent infection. 

Once the Benedryl was administered, I was out cold within half an hour. I felt like I was drunk! I don't remember any conversation I had with Brian, don't recall him leaving to go and get something to eat, and was pretty sure he was sitting in the chair next to me the entire time (someone sure as heck was!). I slept for awhile until that made its way out of my system. The rash had gone away for the most part, but after shift change, it flared up again and I was given a second dose of Benedryl, in which case I was out cold once again. 

About half way through the Magnesium I came to and tried going to the bathroom. Both the nurse and I noticed that it took a significant amount of effort to relieve myself and she suggested putting in a catheter. I didn't want one, but I knew it would be for the best because one I was having a hard time going to the bathroom and two because I was so groggy from the Benedryl I didn't think I would have the strength to lift myself up to use the bed pan. So as much as I dreaded it, I agreed to it. It was so uncomfortable, but after about an hour I wasn't even aware that it was there. 

Throughout the night I became increasingly uncomfortable; I was in pain from the cramping (ceasing contractions and from the catheter), I was hot and achey from the Magnesium, I was getting over the itching/burning from the rash...I was just in pain. Around 4am, the nurse gave me some pain medication that knocked me out and allowed me to sleep through the rest of the Magnesium treatment; which ended up being for 15 hours instead of 12 hours because the nurses had to wait to get word from the doctors to stop the treatment.

Around 8am (the 14th) the doctors came in and asked me how I was feeling. I was still feeling decent from the pain medication, but was still experiencing some cramping, but not the cramping I felt from contractions. He informed me that it was probably from the catheter and that they would be taking it out since they were taking me off of the Magnesium and starting me back up on the Procardia to keep my uterus relaxed since they weren't picking up anymore contractions. He also decided to do a second round of steroid shots; which I was not happy about at all. Nor was I happy about having to spend a second day/night in L & D. 

After receiving the steroid shot in my left hip and eating breakfast, they let me rest. Brian ran home to check up on the animals and everything to make sure they were alright and as soon as he returned, they moved us to a room down the hall with a shower (not that I actually got to use it). 

I was still uncomfortable from cramping and being hooked up to the monitors and I.V. Every time my bladder would fill up, the cramping would start and it hurt a lot; especially since I couldn't get up and go to the bathroom on my own to ease up the cramping. I had to call a nurse in to disconnect the I.V every time I had to go to the bathroom; that got old very quickly because I literally had to go to the bathroom every half hour or hour. So that made falling asleep very difficult. 

This morning one of the doctors came back down to see how I was doing and to do another ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid levels around baby. I was so nervous because what she saw would determine if we were going to be allowed to move back upstairs to our room in Pre/Post Natal. It turns out that the fluid around baby was measuring at 20! It had gone up since last being checked which meant that my body was reproducing the fluid for baby and that the leak was just a small one and nothing to be too concerned over. Of course the fluid will have to be monitored weekly with the weekly ultrasounds, but I will take that over having to stay in L & D. I also told her about the cramping in relation to my bladder and she had me give a urine sample to double check for any type of bladder infection that could have been caused by the catheter (apparently it is pretty common to get one while using one). 

I also had to have blood drawn for the Rhogam shot; which did not end well. The first nurse could not get my vein to cooperate so she had to send in a second one. The second nurse found a vein alright! She found a nice, big, fat one that ended up spurting blood all over my arm and bed. At least they were able to get the amount that they needed! On top of that I had to have my second dose of steroid shot...yippie! I absolute HATE that shot! I have now had to have it FOUR times!! I know that it is beneficial for little miss princess in the event she is still born prematurely, but good lord! That is a pretty painful/uncomfortable shot! 

Because I was stable and baby had not shown any signs of stress (she has yet to show any signs of stress! It is as if she is completely unaware as to what has been going on!) and my fluid levels were good, I was able to return to my room upstairs. I have never been so excited! This room is literally turning into my home away from home; all I am missing are my fur babies! 

The first thing I did after returning to my room this morning was eat (I made Brian get me some Chick-Fil-A...thank you, man in the elevator who had a nice bag full of it...) and then shower. After I got situated, Brian went back home to check on our babies and to do some laundry for me so I could get out the hospital's gown and into my own clothes. 

I was able to catch up on the sleep that I lost. I have been still feeling the discomfort of the cramping but  have related it to going to the bathroom; I just don't know if it is related to my bladder or bowel movements. We are still waiting for results on the urine test, but it has been easing up significantly. I also had to have more antibiotics through I.V (not sure how long they will keep me on them) and I got the Rhogam shot. 

Let me tell you about that damn shot. All of you who told me that it doesn't hurt, LIED! I am not sure if it is just because I had been given a steroid shot in the same area the day before or what, but that shot was not a fun one either. Of course it was not nearly as bad as the steroids. Oh, and it goes in your rear, not your hip or your arm. I will be getting that shot again after baby is delivered. 

After catching up on sleep and relaxing a bit, I feel wonderful despite all that has happened. We were pretty certain that I was going to be delivering our little one and I am pretty proud of myself and Brian for remaining so calm. We both knew that there was a chance she could be delivered this early (we still know this) and we both remained so calm because of the care we are under. Being in one of the best Prenatal care facilities in the area does not worry me that I may be delivering a premature baby. We both know that if she were born now, she would survive with no questions asked; we are just that confident in modern medicine and know that this little girl is a fighter. If she weren't a fighter, we would not have made it as far as we have.

My glucose test has been pushed back a week because of the steroids, so I have that to look forward to next week (enter sarcasm here) and the next ultrasound they will be measuring to see how much baby has grown. I am pretty excited to learn how much she now weighs! I definitely feel like I have been packing on the pounds! haha! 

She is still head down, still producing a strong heartbeat, and has tons of fetal movement! Everyone is saying that she looks amazing for a 28 week gestation baby! See, like I said, she is completely unaware! 

Brian and I have also been discussing a lot of important things in regards to our future family after these passed few events. We are talking about not having any more children after this baby because of the amount of difficulties I have had with this pregnancy. I just don't think I could handle a second pregnancy (as much as I would love to have another child) because my body just can't handle being pregnant. Of course it isn't a definite decision, but I just feel in my heart that this baby will probably be the only one that I carry. I think that we are okay with this for now. Who knows, maybe five years down the road we may change our minds. I think it just depends on how the rest of this pregnancy goes. :) 

Each new day that I am pregnant, gives us all confidence of reaching our goal of 32 weeks. Yes, it will be difficult spending the next four weeks in the hospital on bed rest, but if I make it to 32 weeks, I pretty much don't care what happens as far as delivery. Of course I would love to go full term and I am sure we would shock the hell out of everyone if we did, but I can be happy with 32 weeks. 

Well, there you have it, our big scare that ended up (thankfully) only being a false alarm. 

Here is to another week of being pregnant!! 

Hospital/Bed Rest Survival Guide

Before I was hospitalized I had been beginning to research what to pack in my hospital bag and when I was admitted without having any time at all to pack anything, I thought to myself, what did those lists say?? 

During the hustle and bustle of the admitting, transferring, and readmitting process I had to create a quick list to give to my husband so he knew what to bring to the hospital for us. At the time, we had no idea we were going to become "permanent residents". 

Over the period of 16 days we finally have everything we need to feel comfortable here in our new home away from home. It took several trips home to finally get everything we needed.  

So, let me give you the grand tour and explain what is ESSENTIAL to have during your stay in the hospital.

The Bathroom: 

1. Toothpaste: Obviously this is one of the first things you think to bring when you are staying overnight (or for several weeks) anywhere. 

2. Toothbrushes: See above.

3. Contact solution/case and glasses: If your significant other needs these things to see, make sure they bring them with!

4. Hand mirror: I don't mean to sound absolutely disgusting, but your downstairs does some funky stuff while you are pregnant and you have to monitor it 24/7 because if you can't answer your doctors and nurses questions in regards to that part of your body...you are in trouble...they will start looking for you. It is completely normal and trust me, you will go through some strange changes the closer you get to your third trimester. Also, my expanding belly has made it difficult to see things without a mirror...so have one just in case! 

5. Toilet paper: BRING YOUR OWN T.P!!! I can not stress this enough! The hospital's toilet paper feels like sand paper and it will irritate your precious cargo. Also, have wet wipes "toilet paper" on hand too just in case  you develop hemorrhoids or start to develop them (and you will because being pregnant and on bed rest is like the plague for your digestion). 

6. Feminine liners: Like I said earlier, your downstairs starts to do some strange things when you reach the end of your second trimester/beginning of your third trimester. Like all of the books and websites say, you will have an increase in discharge...yay...ooh the lovely joys of pregnancy! Just get some cheapie ones and use them as needed. Oh, and sending your husband to the store for them will result in the cashier asking him what the heck he needs them for. Ha! I about died when he told me about that little experience. 

7. Flip flops: I would recommend wearing these while in the shower because you never know what the heck could be living on that shower floor. I know, you hear "hospital" and thing "sterile"...WRONG! My previous bathroom had MOLD in it!! Just play it safe and put them on! You won't regret it, I promise.

8. Loofah: If you use a loofah, bring it because the hospital's wash cloths feel awful on your skin. If you don't use a loofah, bring your own wash cloths. 

9. Razor and face wash: If you know you are going to be in the hospital for awhile and you don't want to feel embarrassed over your furry legs and other various parts, bring a razor so you can shave as needed. Face wash is part of my shower routine, so that is why I brought it with me. 

10. Shampoo/Conditioner and Body wash: These are obvious because they are essential for a shower. If you don't use body wash, I would start while in the hospital; I couldn't imagine actually using that soap holder for a bar of soap. Although I guess if you had your own holder it wouldn't be too bad. Also, if you know you won't be in for as long as I have been, travel sizes are definitely easier to pack versus the full size products. 

(Not pictured)

11. Towels: Bring your own towels because if you couldn't tell by the tiny white towel on the floor, the hospital's towels are TINY and not anywhere near large enough to cover a pregnant tummy. Also, they aren't soft and smell strongly of bleach. You will feel much more comfortable in your own towels. 

12. House Coat/Robe and Slippers: These are really nice to have if your room does not have curtains by the bathroom vanity (our new room does, but the previous ones did not). The bathrooms themselves are pretty small and make it really difficult to get dressed in, especially if you have to have someone in the bathroom to help you (I had to have Brian help me the first few days I was here because I was on "watch"). It is much easier to pull the house coat and slippers on after drying off and walk out to your bed to get your clothes and not worry about anyone seeing you. Also, it is helpful when all you have to wear are hospital gowns! It keeps your behind covered! Oh, and always wear slippers around the room because like I said, you never know what could be lurking on the floors. 

The "Bedroom":

1. Gifts: If any of your visitors come bearing gifts, make sure that you display them in a spot where you can always see them. It helps brighten your mood from time to time. :) This table is at the foot of my bed. 

2. Hand sanitizer: You are in a hospital, get used to using this stuff! Plus, when your baby arrives and you start having more visitors, they NEED to use it before laying hands on your child. We brought ours from home because I didn't like the hospital's, but if you forget to bring some that is ok because there is always some nearby (in our case, there is a wall mount by the door for nurses and doctors to use). It also comes in handy when you get up at 3am to go to the bathroom and are in zombie mode. I don't know about you, but when I am in zombie mode I usually forget to wash my hands, so on my way back to the bed I just grab a quick pump of this and am good to go. 

3. Pillows: Definitely bring your own pillows! The hospital's pillows go flat so fast that you won't even know what hit you. Plus their pillow cases are starched so they aren't very comfortable. Also, if you have a body pillow at home, bring it with you! It is definitely the only reason I can get comfy enough to get any sleep. Plus it gives my lower back support when I am on the monitors or sitting on the laptop. If you know you will be delivering your baby soon and have one, bring your nursing pillow! I have hear the nurses talking about how helpful they are. 

4. Electronics: Bring your cell phone so you can keep family and friends updated via text messages or phone calls and bring your laptop for keeping busy. Take advantage of the hospital's free wifi too! Brian even brought his PS3 and hooked it up to the t.v in the room. 

5. Sheets: If you know that you will be in the hospital for more than a couple of days, bring your own sheets. Not only are they more comfortable than the hospital's, but it helps bring a little bit of home to you. 

6. Food: Having food to snack on is nice, especially since you will get sick of eating hospital food. Now if you are in the hospital to deliver your baby, I would check to make sure what kind of diet they have you on. Because I am on a regular diet, I am allowed to eat whatever I want. 

7. Reading material: Definitely a must have! Reading books, magazines, blogs, etc. will definitely help cure some of the boredom you may develop while in the hospital. I am currently reading the popular, "50 Shades of Grey" book (definitely writing a review on this as soon as I finish!). 

8. Toiletries: I keep the rest of my toiletries in the top drawer of my nightstand. Things like Q-tips, cotton balls, tweezers, etc.

9. Candy stash: I am not saying you have to have a stash of candy, but I am always craving sweet things and hard candies. 

Hubby's Area:

1. Reusable Bags/Cooler: We use the bags for dirty laundry and we had the cooler because our previous room did not have a mini-refrigerator. Not necessarily essentials, but always nice to have if you are going to be hospitalized for awhile. 

2. Pillows: You wouldn't make your significant other use those awful hospital pillows would you?!

3. Blankets: He uses blankets from home because the hospital's are just too scratchy and thin. I don't use anything to cover up with (thank you hot flashes!) so these would be strictly for your sig. other so they are comfortable. 

(Not Pictured)

4. Clothes: This one is a given. Hubby likes clean clothes just as much as the next guy! So make sure he has some clothes to wear and sleep in. 

Rest of the Room:

1. Beverages: Unless you have the money to get something out of the vending machine every time you are thirsty or you can drink water, juice, and milk (provided) I would recommend bringing your own drinks. Brian brought jugs of sweet tea and Mountain Dew. 

2. Food: Again, as long as you are not on a strict diet, bring your own food! Your sig. other will thank you for it later! Plus it is a lot cheaper than eating at the hospital's cafeteria. If your room comes with a mini-refrigerator, keep things like lunch meat and cheese in there so you can make a sandwich. I also have ice cream in the little freezer. Yum! 

(Not Pictured)

3. Entertainment: If you know that your room has a DVD player, bring some of your favorite movie! It always helps pass the time. I also have a giant coloring book (you are never too old for one of those!) and like I had mentioned before, our PS3. 

4. Journal: If you are a writer, keeping a journal of your hospital stay always helps with any mixed emotions you may be going through. I have a journal with letters to my baby, talking about different milestones in my pregnancy, etc. I plan on giving it to her when she is older. Plus, it passes the time. 

5. Organizer/Check Book: This is definitely handy when you are staying in the hospital for more than a couple of days. Without my organizer, our bills would not get paid on time. Too bad the bills don't stop while you are gone! This helps me plan on what bills need to be mailed, what bills get paid online, what events are coming up (birthdays, etc). It basically helps me keep track of time and our life on the outside of the hospital. 

Miscellaneous:

1. Back massager: I would seriously recommend having one of these with you! If you are in labor, I have heard that they help with that lower back pain and it also helps with any other aches and pain you may experience from being in a bed all day and all night. It isn't hard to convince your sig. other to use it on your back either...just remember to say please and thank you!

2. Facial cleansing wipes: This is kind of a preference thing, but I would recommend having them. My first few days in the hospital I was not allowed to get up to shower, so I used these wipes to keep my face clean. Say Yes to Cucumbers Cleansing Wipes are my favorite! Not only do they clean your face but they smell amazing!

3. Hairbrush: You will want to look somewhat groomed (a difficult task when you are in a bed 24/7) so bring a brush. Also, bring hair ties! You will always want to keep your hair off of your face, especially when you constantly have nurses poking at you and you are having hot flashes. Hot flashes + hair down = crabby momma! 

4. Lotion: Bring your favorite lotion and use it! The familiar smells of my daily routine (before being admitted) are really comforting and help make the stay a little more tolerable. Plus your skin will get dry (my legs and feet especially!) and will beg you for some moisture!

5. Dry shampoo: Saved my life during those days I wasn't allowed to get up and shower. Also good when you need to freshen up for some visitors and don't have time to hop in the shower. 

6. Deodorant: Really? Do I need to explain this one???

7. Facial moisturizer: If you have skin like mine, you will need this regardless of where you are staying. Not an essential, but it is part of my facial cleansing routine; which is why I have it.

(Not Pictured)

8. Chapstick: ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS have chapstick! Your lips will thank you for it later! I have almost gone through an entire tube of chapstick in the time that I have been here. (My favorite is Burt's Bees Replenishing Lip Balm w/ Pomegranate Oil ;) Brian's is Burt's Bees Medicated Lip Balm...yes my hubby is awesome like that because he keeps chapstick on him! He always has super soft lips because of it!). 

9. Suitcase/s with clothes: I know I had mentioned clothes earlier for the hubby, but forgot to mention them for myself. Bring some clothes from home so you don't have to be in those awful hospital gowns! I have shorts, sweatpants, t-shirts, and a few maternity shirts (for when I go upstairs for ultrasounds). You may as well feel comfortable while you are here!! 

10. Personal Belongings: I would recommend having all of your debit/credit cards, I.Ds, and insurance cards with you because you never know when you may need them. OH! And keep some change with you as well just in case you ever crave a soda...like me...

11. Baby's things: Now we have not had a baby shower yet so we don't have much of anything for our baby when she arrives. We do have two outfits for her if she is born prematurely. I would advise bringing with you everything you need for baby if you KNOW that you are going to be delivering. For example: a few outfits, pacifiers (if not provided), breastfeeding essentials (if not provided), cloth diapers (if hospital will allow you to use them), nursing pillow, etc. 

12. Camera: DUH!!! 

So, there you have it! Those are some of the essentials that I would definitely recommend having with you during your hospital stay, whether it be to deliver your baby or if you are on bed rest. The hospital becomes your home away from home, so why not make it as comfortable as possible? Now, obviously I do not know what else would be needed after delivering a baby considering I have not delivered mine yet. But, when that time comes, I have almost everything I need. I plan on making another post after baby is born to help cover anything that may have been missed in this post. :)

I hope that this was at least somewhat helpful to some of my friends who are mommies-to-be. <3 If not, I hope you at least had fun reading about it.